"Drink it while you can:" AF coffee ban to begin 2014
By Staff Sgt. Nicholas Rau, 460th Space Wing Public Affairs
/ Published March 29, 2013
BUCKLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Colo. -- Hot on the heels of sequestration, top Air Force officials said April 1 that they would ban coffee beginning fiscal 2014.
"Coffee causes a major adverse effects to our readiness," explained Col. John Folgers, Air Force Policy Center, Buckley AFB. "As studies have shown, there is decreased productivity due to sleep deprivation. Eight out of 10 service members said they use their morning coffee as a 'pick-me-up' instead of getting the proper amount of sleep."
The ban would undoubtedly cause a shift in shop dynamics, stated Master Sgt. Leon Maxwell-House, 460th Munitions Squadron, Buckley AFB.
"Every morning I come in and fill up my coffee cup; it's a tradition," Maxwell-House said. "I carry the cup around all day and people know I am master sergeant. The coffee cup is like a rank; sometimes people don't even see my stripes and still know I am a senior NCO because I carry around my coffee cup."
Senior Airman Kali Caribou, 460th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, Buckley AFB, echoed this sentiment when she spoke about her future.
"This was something I was looking forward to when I made rank," Caribou explained. "It has been a tradition since the 1940s and a rite of passage for NCOs. Now, with this policy change, it is something I will never get a chance to experience. I had already bought a cup and everything. What am I going to put in the coffee cup now? Tea?"
These are common hiccups that are expected when a policy change is put in place, Folgers stated.
"As Airmen, we are trained to adapt and overcome, and the coffee ban is no different," Folgers said. "I expect our top-notch team to take this in stride and press on as professionals."
Folgers advice to Airman, "Drink it while you can and enjoy April Fools' Day."
Editor's Note: This article is a fake news story written in the spirit and jest of April Fools' Day.